GROWING FORWARDS / GROWING BACKWARDS

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growing forwards / growing backwards reflects on memories, from preschool to college, surrounding identity, coming-of-age, and the monotony of time during transitional periods of life. With a strong connection to childhood –– and its influences on my adolescence –– throughout the manuscript, each piece explores the concept of place-based memory. From the waters of northern Michigan and the woods of northern Virginia, to the complex headspace following a friend’s death and the perpetual joy of a healthy queer relationship, these poems traverse literal and figurative locations alike. The title, and the corresponding two sections, refer to the dichotomy between growth as a result of a positive experience, and ‘forced’ growth or self-reflection coming out of a negative situation: the moments of shame and grief that have the potential to humble, enlighten, reveal, and rebuild. Because of the inherent ambiguity of the theme, I didn’t want the poems to simply represent events in my life in chronological order; in fact, the depicted relationships with both people and time only seem to get more ambiguous as I grow up. Instead, the ending motifs in this collection are cyclical and intertwined with each other: ‘growing backwards’ often feeds into ‘growing forwards,’ and vice versa. In these poems about ever-evolving identity and its roots in the places that change us, I attempt to illustrate how memories are affected, and enhanced, by the new knowledge we gain in hindsight. growing forwards / growing backwards is about fluidity in all its forms –– and how experiences that lack clear resolution can still be poignant and resonant, much further down the line.